Spider-Man: Game
by Spider-Matt
Summary: You knew it would happen. The spoof of the game is here. It couldn't be any better. Unless I were to add too it. That's not the point, though. I know you'll love this just as much as you do. Just to let you know, even though I make fun of Stan Lee a


NOTE: Before you read this I highly suggest you play the Spider-Man on Playstation, and also play it on What If mode or some of the jokes will fly over your head faster than a speeding bullet and higher than a tall building (damn I hate Superman). Anyway, my friend and I both wrote this. Well, actually my friend wrote it and I editied it and put in funny stuff and stuff. Well, have fun and keep hating Superman, thank you. If you don't hate Superman yet then you should start. You'll feel a lot better and less empty. Nuff' said.  
  
  
  
Spider-Man: Game  
  
Dr. Octavious is revealing his newest invention and he doesn't even know what it does.  
  
Dr. Octavious: My newest invention, wait a minute what does it do again?  
  
Man: I don't know! You invented it!   
  
An impostor Spider-man walks on stage and steals Dr. Octavious' invention.  
  
Dr. Octavious: Aw crap!! Hey, what are you doing!   
  
Spider-man impostor: I'm taking you thingy   
  
Dr. Octavious: Fine take it no one knows what it does!  
  
Dr. Octavious Goes back stage and talks with the impostor.  
  
Spider-man impostor: Come on! Please tell me, pleeeeassee.  
  
Dr. Octavious: If you quit whining I'll tell you!  
  
Spider-man impostor: All right.  
  
While Dr. Octavious is telling the Spider-man Impostor what the invention does, the crowd fleeing from the burning building. In the crowd is Peter Parker, Eddie Brock bumps in to Peter and does not notice it is Peter. When most of the crowd is out of the building Eddie Brock's symbiote takes over.   
  
Venom: Relax Eddie, Venom is here, and he's going stop your problems.  
  
Eddie: What Problems???  
  
Venom: You know! The ones you have! You know, the ones…  
  
Eddie: Ohhhh yeah!!!!!  
  
Peter runs out of the building, stops to pick up a penny real quick, and then carries on.  
  
  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Narrator: Hello, I'm the poor man who created this sad hero. I really appreciate it if you could find a place in your heart for this poor misguided soul. Personally I don't know what came over me. I think I feeling rather full of myself that day. I don't know, please have fun. Oh, and if you care, my name is Stan "the man" Lee. Yes, I was feeling full of myself when I put "the man" in, too.  
  
Peter Parker puts on the Spider-man costume. Blackcat appears and tells Spider-man about the bank robbery that is taking place.  
  
Blackcat: There is a bank robbery in progress, the robbers have taken hostages.  
  
Spider-man: If you know about than why didn't go stop them?  
  
Black Cat: I was combing my hair.  
  
Spider-man: Good enough for me.  
  
  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Spider-Man: Da, da, da… Oh, wait. I have to get to the bank!  
  
Spider-Man arrives at the bank, on top of the building, realizing that he forgot his wallet!  
  
Spider-Man: CRAP! I forgot my wallet. I'll just ask one of these nice men up here on top of the building when the bank closes. (Walks over to a thug) Excuse me, could you tell me when the bank closes. You see, I have to cash my check, and it seems that I left my wallet at my house. I really need that money today, too. Yes, money has always been a big problem in my family. It goes way back to when I was a teenager. My Uncle Ben had died, and that's who paid all the bills and so forth. Of course I probably could have prevented his…..  
  
Just then a bullet flies past his head.  
  
Spider-Man: HEY!!! That wasn't very nice. (He snatches the gun out of one of the thugs hands and throws it off the building)  
  
Loud voice from below: OW!!!  
  
Spider-Man: Now that was rude. I was in the middle of telling my life story. You would have been one of the few to know all about the amazing Spider-Man. But would you listen??? NO!!!! You are the rudest son of a….  
  
Just then they all rushed him, shooting and throwing punches. Spider-Man, without a sweat, beat the crap out of them.  
  
Spider-Man: Hmmm… I make this look easy!  
  
He then trips and falls through a skylight into a room into the bank! Spidey sees a thug walk by.  
  
Spider-Man: Hey, he must work here. Excuse me, sir!  
  
Spidey rushed out the door. Then a whole bunch of bullets flew at him. Spidey punched the guy out!  
  
Spider-Man: You just can't find good help now a days.  
  
Spider-Man walked down the hall and turned the corner.  
  
Bank thug: Got some gum?  
  
Bank thug 2: No man I'm out. See if a hostage has some or somthin'.  
  
The bank thug goes up to a hostage.  
  
Bank thug: You got any gum?  
  
Hostage: Sorry, I'm chewing my last piece.  
  
Bank thug: Listen, you're going to go find me some gum or I'm going to kick your @$$.  
  
The hostage, with a frightened look on his face, gets up and runs out to find some gum. Just as bank thug 2 sees the hostage, he shoots him.  
  
Bank thug: Dude! He was going to get me some gum.  
  
Bank thug 2: Dude! I'm sorry.  
  
Bank thug: Dude!  
  
Bank thug 2: Dude!  
  
Bank thug: Dude, where's my car?  
  
Bank intercom: Would the person with the little yellow car with the license plate S-P-D-R-M-A-N please move their car. It's about to be towed.  
  
Bank thug: Damn!  
  
Spider-Man watches the stupidity of the two thugs.  
  
Spider-Man: Hmmm…. I wish I had some gum about now.  
  
Bank thug: You hear something? Heeeeeyyyyyy!!!!!!!  
  
Spider-Man thought the bank thug knew where he was, but evidently didn't because after having a quick look around he started scratching his butt. Spider-Man starts to crawl on the ceiling. Spider-Man webs a bank thug and out of no where music starts playing.  
  
Spider-Man: Stupid web-shooters! I knew I shouldn't have put in that damn radio.  
  
Spider-Man crawls in to another room and sees a bomb.  
  
Spider-Man: Oh no, a bomb!!!  
  
Spider-Man runs the other way and remembers he has to save the hostages.   
  
Spider-Man: I got to open that door!   
  
Just then the door opens and three Bank Thugs walk out. Spider-Man webs the bank thugs and saves the hostages.  
  
Spider-Man: Where can I put the bomb? I've got it! Wait, what was thinking about again…? I'll through it out the window!  
  
Spider-Man takes the bomb and throughs it out the window, which, to his surprise, lead to another room in the bank!   
  
Spider-Man: Oh, damn. RUN AWAY!  
  
Spider-Man leaves the bank and doesn't cash his check.  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Spider-Man's cell-phone rings.  
  
Spider-Man: Who is it?   
  
Jameson: Call pest control, there's a scorpion on my wall. A damn big one too! Hurry! (hangs up)  
  
Stan Lee: Uh oh Spidey. You're in deep shit! Yeah, he's alway in deep shit. As a matter of fact, you'd be supprised to see how much shit he get's into. (another voice whispers) A kids game?! You think I created this for kids?! This is just some big joke to you, huh? Well.... (voice fades off)  
  
Spider-Man: I have to get to the Bugle. But I forgot how to get there.  
  
After a half-hour Spider-man finds a store that is open. Spider-Man goes to a store and buys a map. While he's there a rests a bit and buys a Snickers.  
  
Spider-Man: Not going anywhere for a while? Grab a Snickers. That ought to hold you.  
  
Spider-Man finally gets to the Bugle, and crashes through the window.  
  
Jameson: Spider-Man?! I ask for pest control, and I get this?  
  
Spider-Man: Shut up for a second, will you? Now, where is it?  
  
Jameson: Up there, on the wall. (Points out a scorpion on the wall with his finger)  
  
Spider-Man crawls up on the wall and crushes it with his fist.  
  
Spider-Man: Boy! That was a big one!  
  
Just then the super villain Scorpion crashes through the door with his tail.  
  
Jameson: Aw, crap.  
  
Spider-Man pulls out a can of pesticide lights it on fire and tosses it at the Scorpion.  
  
Scorpion: Don't you know, you stupid arachnid, pesticides don't kill scorpions. Geeze, you arachnids are so stupid. What the hell is wrong with you?!  
  
Spider-Man: But you're…  
  
Scorpion: I'm a scorpion, yes. Not some dumb arachnid.  
  
Spider-Man scratches the back of his head.  
  
Spider-Man: Ummm... Whatever.  
  
Spider-Man then webs up Scorpion and flings him out the window.  
  
Jameson: I don't like you Spider-Man, so I called the cops to get a reward for having you caught!!!  
  
Spider-Man: That's it Jameson, you're out of my will for good this time. You were in place of my Uncle Ben. But you just couldn't be nice, could you?  
  
Spider-Man then jumps out of the window and web-slings away straight into a building.  
  
NEXT SCENE   
  
Daredevil jumps in front of Spider-Man.  
  
Daredevil: Did you take that thing from Dr. Octavius?  
  
Spider-Man: No. That was some impostor.   
  
Daredevil: Good then I'll be leaving now.  
  
Spider-Man: Wait! How do you know I'm not lying?  
  
Daredevil: Are you.  
  
Spider-Man: (sarcastically) Yeah.  
  
Daredevil: Then I'll just have to sic that helicopter on you.  
  
Spider-Man looks behind him and sees a helicopter complete with missiles and machine guns. The New York Police Department starts to chase Spider-Man in their helicopters.   
  
Spider-Man: Ohhhhhhh Crap!  
  
Police: Give yourself up Spider-Man!!!  
  
Spider-Man: Do I have to?  
  
Police: Yes, You're a criminal for taking that thing from Dr. Octavius! Just shoot him!  
  
Cops chase spider-Man for while, they take a brake for donuts for while then resume the chase.  
  
Spider-Man: Enough with the shooting, already!!!  
  
Cops: All right! This is getting old anyway. Pack it up guys, we're going home.  
  
Spider-Man swings to a building and the police chopper hits a pole and crashes.  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Spider-Man is on a building when Black Cat appears.  
  
Spider-Man: What is this the bad guy Olympics?  
  
Spider-Man then sees a sign that says Bad guy Olympics now in town.  
  
Black Cat: Venom has Mary Jane, and is on the Television in Times Square and The Rhino is on a rampage at Omni-Tek!   
  
Spider-Man: Wow! Venom has a talk show! Let's go check it out.  
  
Black Cat: Okay, but if anyone at Omni-Tek gets hurt then…  
  
Spider-Man: Shut up and let's go already!  
  
Spider-Man and Black Cat arrive at Times Square.  
  
Venom: The Venom Marathon Continues!!! Yes, and we have Mary Jane Parker here she twenty-four hours to live!!!  
  
Spider-Man: If Mary Jane dies will you marry me?  
  
Black Cat: Of course, Spider!  
  
Spider-Man: Good! Then let's go get Rhino.  
  
Black Cat and Spider-Man now arrive at Omni-Tek. A helicopter is flying away carrying something underneath it with wire.  
  
Spider-Man: They're stealing something. Look Cat! Cat?  
  
Spider-Man looks behind him and sees the Rhino carrying an out cold Black Cat. Spider-Man starts to cry.  
  
Spider-Man: How could you. She better be all right, because she's going to marry me if Mary Jane dies.  
  
Spider-Man leads The Rhino into an electric shield. When Rhino hits the shield he is shocked falls over and gets back up.  
  
Spider-Man: Got something for ya!  
  
Spider-Man picks up a barrel of acid and tosses it at The Rhino. The acid burns The Rhino.  
  
Rhino: Get it off!!! Get it off!!! Get it off!!! It burns!!!  
  
The Rhino falls over and starts to groan. He then passes out and starts to saying over and over, "I want a bingo." Dr. Octavius arrives in a police car and takes the Rhino into custody.   
  
Spider-Man: Man the Rhino is dumb.  
  
  
Spider-Man changes back to Peter Parker to find Black Cat. She's all right but is being taken away by monsters who weren't paramedics. But Peter thought they looked nice enough that he didn't worry about it.  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Spider-Man is talking to the Human Torch on top of the Statue of Liberty.  
  
Spider-Man: So, that's my story Johnny. I have to find Venom and save Mary Jane.  
  
Human Torch: What story? You haven't told me anything. Besides, Venom will probably find you, I think I see him, oh no, that's just a bird. No, it's a plane, Wait! It's Superman. That game really sucked. This one is so much better. Get your cursed ass out of this game, Superman.  
  
The Human Torch starts chasing s Superman away and shooting fire at him. Superman didn't say anything because the makers of the game were too cheap to get a voice for him. The bird flies by and craps on Spidey's head. Spider-Man rubs it off.  
  
Spider-Man: Damn.  
  
Spider-Man starts web slinging away when Venom gets the drop on him. Spider-Man doesn't know how it happened but he hated it. And now it was personal.   
  
Venom: Come on, let's race!  
  
Spider-Man chases Venom and they stop to fight. Venom then hugs Spider-Man and starts licking him.  
  
Spider-Man: Stop it! It tickles!  
  
Spider-Man and Venom go into the sewers.  
  
Spider-Man: I'm not going down there! It smells like shit!  
  
Venom: It is shit Parker! Any way you'll get used to the smell. Fine, If you really don't want to go down there. I can easily kill Mary Jane and watch you marry Black Cat. But just imagine yourself married to the Black Cat. 'Cat, honey, I'm going out to catch a burglar.' 'Hold on. Let me change into costume. Oh, what should I wear? The normal? That sounds good.' Two hours later… 'I'll be right out, I'm just putting the final touches on. I'm almost done putting make up on…'  
  
Spider-Man: All right, I'm going. Just shut up.  
  
Venom leads Spider-Man through the sewers and the subway before ending up fighting Venom again. They enter a giant room where Mary Jane is hanging over water in a tank.  
  
Spider-Man: Get her out of there, Venom!  
  
Venom: All right, after we fight again.  
  
Spider-Man and Venom fight, and fight, and fight, and fight, and fight. They stop to take a breather, and then they fight again. Suddenly, Spider-Man questions Venom about why he kidnapped Mary Jane and fought him. Venom said "they" couldn't remember but he knew it was important. They finally agree that it wasn't too important if he couldn't remember it. So, they say their apologies and start discussing who they want for president when suddenly…  
  
Mary Jane: Peter, get me out of here, now!!!  
  
Spider-Man: Coming, honey!  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Spider-Man and Venom are on a rooftop trying to figure out who took Dr. Octavius' equipment.  
  
Spider-Man: Who would want Dr. Octavius' equipment?  
  
Venom: We know! We know!  
  
Spider-Man: Who?  
  
Venom: Uhhhh. The Fantastic Four took it.   
  
Spider-Man: Are you stupid? They're off somewhere.  
  
Venom: Superman took it.  
  
Spider-Man: That's what I was thinking…. But the Human Torch kicked his ass.  
  
Venom: See, the Human Torch is here so the Fantastic Four must be here too. So they took it!  
  
Spider-Man: All right, so maybe they did take it…. Wait, what the heck am I thinking.  
  
Venom: Oh, we bet it was a shape shifter… uh.. Chameleon, that's his name.  
  
Spider-Man: I've got it! It must have been a shape shifter!  
  
Venom: We thought of that! A shape shifter was our idea!  
  
Spider-Man: Uh huh. And you keep telling yourself that.  
  
Spider-Man and Venom then decide to go to the Daily Bugle to search through records.  
  
Venom: Surf the web! Surf the web!  
  
Spider-Man: All right.  
  
Spider-Man the makes a surf board out of web.  
  
Venom: No, the Internet!  
  
Spider-Man: All right.  
  
They both get on the Internet and immediately see an ad for a nude site. They of course click on it. Then suddenly a sign pops up that says, "See the famous fashion model, Mary Jane Parker, naked. Venom clicks on it real quick and looks at the picture. The symbiote's eyes pop out.  
  
Venom: Wait Parker we feel our other, Carnage!  
  
Venom then crashes through a window and symbiotes start to attack Spider-Man.  
  
Spider-Man: Aw nuts!!! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oooooooooooooffffffffffffffffffffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it!!!!!!! It hurts!!!!!!!!  
  
A symbiote goes on to Spider-Man.  
  
Spider-Man: Get off!!!  
  
Spider-Man punches him self-right in the face.   
  
Spider-Man then hears a hostage.   
  
Spider-Man: I didn't know symbiotes took hostages. But if they do then I just made a new break through in science! Wait, what was I talking about again? It must not have been important.  
  
Spider-Man frees all the hostages and goes down to the basement of the Bugle.  
  
Spider-Man: Damn! This basement is as hot as hell.  
  
Suddenly Satan appears.  
  
Satan: Get out of my house!!!  
  
Spider-Man: Go away!  
  
Spider-Man shoots Satan in the face with webbing. Satan goes away.  
  
Spider-Man: More symbiotes! This place is like home except that these aren't roaches. I have to find Mary Jane. Wait, I already did.  
  
Symbiote: Daddy.  
  
Spider-Man: What the?!  
  
Spider-Man moves on and runs into a wall, which he goes right through.  
  
Spider-Man: A hologram wall? Only one person I know can do this… the X-men.  
  
Spider-Man impostor: No, not the X-Men. I did it.  
  
Spider-Man: You idiot you almost got me killed… again.  
  
Spider-Man impostor: Again?  
  
Spider-Man: It's a long, long, long story.  
  
Spider-Man impostor: I have time!  
  
Spider-Man: Well I don't. So start doing what ever it was you were going to do!  
  
The impostor then starts running away and Spider-Man then chases the impostor through another wall.  
  
Spider-Man: You look more back alley then friendly neighborhood.  
  
Spider-Man impostor: Thank you that's kind of what I was going for.  
  
The Spider-Man impostor grows in size and turns into Mysterio.  
  
Spider-Man: Crap! Another fight.  
  
Spider-Man then notices that Mysterio has fish swimming around in his head.  
  
Spider-Man: Is that fish something to accent your purple and green outfit?  
  
Mysterio: Yes.  
  
Spider-Man defeats Mysterio. He did it in a very odd way, but he did it!  
  
Spider-Man: What's going on?  
  
Mysterio: I will never tell you! It is top secret.  
  
Spider-Man then punches Mysterio and the water with the fish gushes out.  
  
Spider-Man: How do you breathe with that water in there?  
  
Mysterio: I will never tell you! It's top secret!  
  
Spider-Man: Tell me what's going on? Where do I go? What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color? Why am I wearing red and blue pajamas?  
  
Mysterio: There's going to be a symbiote invasion. Go to warehouse 65. Mysterio. To seek the holy symbiote. Purple. Because you're a super hero. A very fashionable one.   
  
Spider-Man: How do I know that it isn't a trap? What holy symbiote?  
  
Mysterio: It is a trap! The most holy of all symbiotes.  
  
Spider-Man: I didn't know that symbiotes were holy!   
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Spider-Man goes to warehouse 65. On the way he meets the Punisher. Spider-Man kindly tells him to piss off, so he kindly shoots Spider-Man in the head. No one knows how he survived but since this would be an odd place to end, the story must (and will) go on.  
  
Stan Lee: Ah, the old cliche warehouse. As if you've haven't gotten the point yet, I'm not as creative as I let on. Well, go ahead, I'll leave it to you to waist your own time.  
  
Spider-Man: More symbiotes!?  
  
Spider-Man destroys the generators.  
  
Spider-Man: I wonder how much money all the stuff I've destroyed costs?  
  
Spider-Man goes down some vents.  
  
Spider-Man: This place blows.  
  
Spider-Man continues and falls down a long pit.  
  
Spider-Man: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh(gasps for air) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Spider-Man runs through some doors.  
  
Spider-Man: I wonder how much this trench's electric bill is?  
  
A submarine then appears outside of the trench.  
  
Submarine: Lets race, dude!  
  
Spider-Man beats the submarine and arrives at a pair of doors. He walks through the pair of doors where he sees even more symbiotes. He also sees a bunch of different metal doors. He picks one and goes through. When he enters he sees Doc Ock, Venom, Carnage, and Black Cat who's in a force field cage. There's music playing and everyone is dancing and has drinks in their hands.  
  
Spider-Man: What the heck is going on?!  
  
Suddenly everyone runs off the screen. Where to? Who knows? Spider-Man doesn't know what happened but he just scratches his head and shrugs it off.  
  
Blackcat: Hey Spider, get me out of here.  
  
Spider-Man: All right.   
  
After he does that…  
  
Spider-Man: Hey! It's that thing the impostor stole! I think I'll return it to Doc Ock.  
  
Spider-Man destroys the fog place by hitting some levers and goes through some more doors.  
  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Spider-Man: Hey! Who are you down there? Is that you Doc Ock? Doc Ock I found your thingy!!!  
  
Doc Ock: I've been looking for that give it back! Shut up and fight.  
  
Spider-Man: How rude! I just might keep you thingy! You don't deserve it, anyway!  
  
Spider-Man defeats Doc Ock! Again, in a very strange manner. He knocked out some sort of shield somehow. It's actually quite mind boggling. Venom then goes flying off a ledge above. Carnage appears and pulls Spider-Man up on the ledge and into a room. There's a huge sonic bubble in the middle of the room just for Spider-Man's convenience.  
  
Spider-Man: Don't you ever go away carnage?  
  
Carnage: Die! Die! Die!  
  
Spider-Man: This thing must be for my convenience.  
  
Spider-Man hits Carnage into a sonic bubble and defeats him.  
  
Spider-Man: You always were a loser Mr. Davis. I mean Casady (inside joke, sorry). (singing) I'm too sexy for my webs, too sexy for my webs, too sexy, oh yeah.  
  
Cleatus Cassady's symbiote goes on to Doc Ock. Monster Ock starts chasing Spider-Man.  
  
Spider-Man: Oh damn. (singing while running away) I'm too sexy for my Monster Ock, too sexy for my Monster Ock, too sexy, oh yea… Ow! Watch it Ock. You're breathing down my neck.  
  
Monster Ock and Spider-Man continue running when there's a huge explosion! Spider-Man excapes the blast but Ock took a big hit. Unfortunately the symbiote saved him then left. Who knows what happened to Casady? Spider-Man climbs up out of one of the thing that was putting out the fog. You know the thing.  
  
Spider-Man: You've got to be kidding me! Why did I say that? Oh well, here's Cap'n Crunch and the rest of the gang.  
  
Captain America flies up in the Quin-Jet.  
  
Captain America: I told you not to call me that.  
  
NEXT SCENE  
Everyone is playing go fish.  
  
Captain America: Nice that you could join us Spider-Man.  
  
Spider-Man: Sorry, I was just out saving your asses.  
  
Captain America: Hey! No swearing!  
  
Punisher: Who keeps inviting this guy?  
  
Captain America: Let's keep this a nice, clean, friendly game.  
  
Punisher: Easy for you to say Daredevil has been looking at my cards all night.  
  
Daredevil: I don't have to look at your cards, your bluffs are so obvious!  
  
Captain America: I said nice, clean, friendly….  
  
The others throw Captain America out the door three.  
  
In another room….  
  
Black Cat: Let's party (starts dancing to music).  
  
Human Torch: I'm of FIRE!  
  
Black Cat: Don't say that again!  
  
NEXT SCENE  
  
Doc Ock, Scorpion, Rhino, Mysterio, and a guy from the jade syndicate are in a jail cell playing go fish.  
  
Rhino: Hey, I got a bingo!  
  
Mysterio: Rhino were playing go fish.  
  
Rhino: Oh yeah, well your poster over there is dumb looking.  
  
Rhino and Mysterio start to cry and Doc Ock starts to hit his head on the jail cell door when the door falls off….  
  
THE END?  
  
Stan Lee: I get rich off the simplest things. Suckers! 


End file.
